Navigating romantic relationships offline can be confusing, but add text messaging, facebook photos, tweets, or gowalla check-ins and you get a complicated mess of communication.
During our SXSWi panel on March 12th, Dr. Corinne Weisgerber, Jenn Deering Davis, Matthew Weber, and I will be presenting a well rounded discussion/debate of the controversial effects of technology in romantic, work, and family relationships.
A quick note: These are solely my opinions and do not represent the entire panel. In fact, we expect several areas of disagreement within the panel discussion, ensuring that all angles are addressed.
Consider the multiples stages of a relationship:
1. Research and Development
You lock eyes and suddenly she begins walking towards you. There’s an awkward exchange of names and basic interests, but when she glances toward her friends 5 minutes later and says she has to go, you are left empty handed. No worry. You know her name. You know what city she lives in. So you grab your iPhone, google her name, and find her on Facebook.
Instant connection.
Later that night, you search through her Facebook photos, read her Twitter feed, and even find an article about her in the local newspaper. By this point, you’ve decided she isn’t your type and the fact that she left without giving you her number, is obviously a positive thing.
This is the type of digging we are now accustomed to. Gone are the days of “blind” dates. After all, a quick profile glance will tell you where he grew up, if he’s religious, and even what his ex looks like.
Establishing a connection no longer depends on face to face interaction. A relationship may begin in person, over the phone, on a dating website, or even in a video game.
2. Labeling
Thanks to Facebook, we now have a way to publicly define our relationships. We know the date, the time, and whether our networks “like” our pairing. Friends of mine have even decided to make the day they went “Facebook public” their official anniversary day.
3. Honeymoon Phase
We’ve all seen it. Kissing photos, loving tweets, “The Two of Us” albums on Flickr. Depending on your feelings towards social networks, this may be a positive or negative sentiment. But, regardless of your opinion, there is no denying that intimacy is evolving.
While this does not apply to every relationship, it is an entirely new form of romantic communication, increasing in frequency on a daily basis. Simply look around a restaurant and you will see couples engaging on their iPhones as they wait for service, a couple laughing as they both check-in on Gowalla, or the unmistakable “aww” as she reads his tweet about “going to dinner with the most beautiful girl I know.” These actions are second nature to many, and pose the question:
“Are we missing opportunities within our romantic relationships as we attempt to please an ambiguous social audience?”
4. Conflict
Understanding technology’s power in your life becomes instantly recognizable at the onset of conflict. We no longer turn to journals or confidantes in times of upset, but instead post public status updates, angry comments, or spiteful photos. Our most personal feelings and struggles are plastered across multiple social networks, whether we initiate it or not.
Research is brimming with examples of suggested etiquette in a break-up or divorce. And yet, even de-friending, un-following, and un-tagging will not erase the emotional pain. Nor will it remove the temptation to search them out at a later time.
If you have a personal experience you’d like to share, please feel free to leave a comment. Or if you disagree with my statements, let me know!
As an independently organized event, TEDxATX mirrored the official TED presentation format, but emphasized local talent and inspiration. Hosted in the iconic KLRU studio on UT Campus (famous for its production of Austin City Limits), the theme was PLAY BIG and sought to foster an environment of collaboration amongst a handful of Texas’ unique minds and hearts.
While each and every presentation struck a chord, I’d like to highlight five personally inspiring discussions:
[Rip Esselstyn] engine2diet.com
Inspired by the deteriorating health of his fellow firefighters, Rip transitioned a firehouse of meat-loving Texans to a plant-based diet known as the Engine 2 Diet. Unlike short-term solutions that we witness daily, Rip’s suggestions reflect an overall shift in both body and soul. Coincidentally, as I was enjoying a late dinner with friends at 24Diner, Mary Olivar (resident Healthy Eating Specialist at Whole Foods) was seated at the table next to ours and leaned over to let me know that she worked with Rip on the book and would love to help navigate an integration of the diet into my everyday life. Needless to say, if you are interested in learning more about the Engine 2 Diet, I would highly reccomend stopping by Whole Foods to meet with Mary!
[Steven Tomlinson]
[Chris Mueller]
According to Chris, “creating a human genome is like recreating 6% of Google’s index.” Intriguing analogy aside, the future of gene sequencing faces a host of obstacles with statistics like that. And yet, Chris effectively illustrated the basics of sequencing, while emphasizing the potential for medical developments once genetic analysis begins.
[Mark Rolston]
I fully admit it. I was at the edge of my seat during the entirety of Mark’s presentation. Augmented reality? Yes, please. Centering around the controversy of humanity’s fading line between reality and alternate reality, Mark presented the following video:
http://vimeo.com/5716181
One example discussed was the incessant tagging process, evident in applications such as Google Maps, Yelp, etc. The question, therefore, is whether this information transcends the actual physical experience of being at the tagged location. Or, as Mark phrased it, given the opportunity, “would you replace your eye with a camera?” (seen here http://www.eyeborgblog.com/) Personally, I find value in both arguments. As a nerd, I immediately say “heck yes!” but as a communication researcher, I understand the implications associated with this “bionic existence.” Needless to say, this was one of my favorite discussions and I look forward to others’ reactions.
[Mark McKinnon]
In an entirely genuine manner, Mark explained that his own personal ambitions led him away from his duties as a husband and father. And it was only after his wife’s battle with cancer that he began to understand the importance of each day with the ones you love. While each and every talk was inspiring, I felt renewed to end the evening with a reminder that maintaining one’s personal relationships is not only an essential act, but will continue to fuel all subsequent professional and philanthropic acts as well.
1. [Rip Esselstyn]
Inspired by the deteriorating health of his fellow firefighters, Rip transitioned a firehouse of meat-loving Texans to a plant-based diet known as the Engine 2 Diet. Unlike short-term solutions that we witness daily, Rip’s suggestions reflect an overall shift in both body and soul. Coincidentally, as I was enjoying a late dinner with friends at 24Diner, Mary Olivar (resident Healthy Eating Specialist at Whole Foods) was seated at the table next to ours and leaned over to let me know that she worked with Rip on the book and would love to help navigate an integration of the diet into my everyday life. Needless to say, if you are interested in learning more about the Engine 2 Diet, I would highly reccomend stopping by Whole Foods to meet with Mary!
2. [Steven Tomlinson]
As a well known spirit here in Austin, Steven spoke to a topic near and dear to my heart: balancing unique and all intensive interests within the constraints of a “career” driven mindset. After presenting his own anecdotal acceptance of passions in theatre, in business, and in religion, Steven encouraged the audience to consider that perhaps,
“You don’t need a career; you need a calling.”
While my own interests vary from communication studies to the tech industry to acting, I often question each specific component’s function in relation to the others. It is no secret that academia and business conflict, but hearing Steven speak reaffirmed my pursuit to meld the two environments. In addition, Steven emphasized the importance of maintaining a personal ritual each day, in an effort to remain grounded in oneself. As he explained, a lack of personal awareness often manifests in bitter jealousy, anger, stress, etc. Given his aptitude for performing, it was not surprising to here attendees say that Steven had stolen the stage Saturday. Wonderful, wonderful presentation overall.
3. [Chris Mueller]
According to Chris,
“Creating a human genome is like recreating 6% of Google’s index.”
Intriguing analogy aside, the future of gene sequencing faces a host of obstacles with statistics like that. And yet, Chris effectively illustrated the basics of sequencing, while emphasizing the potential for medical developments once genetic analysis begins.
4. [Mark Rolston]
I fully admit it. I was at the edge of my seat during the entirety of Mark’s presentation. Augmented reality? Yes, please. Centering around the controversy of humanity’s fading line between reality and alternate reality, Mark presented the following video:
One example discussed was the incessant tagging process, evident in applications such as Google Maps, Yelp, etc. The question, therefore, is whether this information transcends the actual physical experience of being at the tagged location. Or, as Mark phrased it, given the opportunity,
“Would you replace your eye with a camera?” (seen HERE)
Personally, I find value in both arguments. As a nerd, I immediately say “heck yes!” but as a communication researcher, I understand the implications associated with this “bionic existence.” Needless to say, this was one of my favorite discussions and I look forward to others’ reactions.
5. [Mark McKinnon]
In an entirely genuine manner, Mark explained that his own personal ambitions led him away from his duties as a husband and father. And it was only after his wife’s battle with cancer that he began to understand the importance of each day with the ones you love. While each and every talk was inspiring, I felt renewed to end the evening with a reminder that maintaining one’s personal relationships is not only an essential act, but will continue to fuel all subsequent professional and philanthropic acts as well.
Overall, the event exceeded my expectations in providing inspiring and innovative speakers. However, given the controversy over Saturday’s limited seating, I was disappointed to see handfuls of open seats as the day progressed. While it is understandable that attendees have commitments outside of the conference, I could not help but think of the many applicants turned away initially, and how much they would have benefited from the day’s community. For although I am fortunate to be a member of Austin’s vibrant tech community, I was pleased to walk into a room full of strangers on Saturday. I know that seems odd, but it is truly a testament to the organizers that attendees varied in industry and expertise. If I am fortunate enough to attend next year’s event, I only hope that audience engagement improves as I am confident that the speakers will be as (if not more!) wonderful as they were this weekend.
If you missed Saturday’s live-stream, check out the full list of speakers and stay tuned to the TEDxATX website for videos soon!
